Things We Won’t Miss From This Past Year

 

The Eldrich Moon Pro Tour looming on the horizon can only mean one thing, the end of Magic’s Professional season is upon us. While this past year has had its fair share of ups and downs, there are more than a few memories that really stand out. Some are fond. Some not so much. But everything on this list has made it an exciting time for Magic players.

There’s more than 10 here, so it’s not exactly a Top 10 list and they’re also not in a specific order…perhaps laced with a bit of sarcasm as well. Think I missed anything? Put your thoughts in the comments.

Abzan Midrange and the Siege Rhino

I played Abzan. You played Abzan. Everyone played Abzan. It was one of the most played decks in Standard, taking in overwhelming percentages of the meta every tournament. It got to the point where I felt dirty every time I dropped a Siege Rhino. I even started to catch myself saying “I’m sorry” whenever I cast the second or third. I still shudder every time I think about it. Let’s move on before I have to shower.

Jace, the College Tuition

Jace. Was. Everywhere. He was in everything. You know what would make your Mono-Red deck better? Jace. Four of them. People shoved him in more places than a teenage boy shoved his…well, you get the picture. That’s why he hit one-hundred plus dollars; while still being STANDARD LEGAL!

Eldrazi Winter

The ban-hammer couldn’t come quickly enough for this one. Thankfully, with Twin getting the ax we had the opportunity to experience the rise of the Eldrazi with an unprepared meta still in a state of flux. There was no sideboard hate strong enough to compete with the sheer speed and versatility of the Eldrazi. This, in of itself, made the ban a good decision; even though I can still hear the tears falling from all the Affinity players inadvertently caught in the crossfire. Those tears make me happy.

Rally the Ancestors/Collected Company, Lazy Names, and Four-Color Goodstuffs

Four-Color Rally? Mardu-Green? Jeskai-Black? Esper-Purple? Your deck names are ridiculous and you should feel ashamed you can’t come up with better ones. Just call them what they are, (this deck with everything that’s good; or that deck with everything that’s good) and don’t forget to add Jace, the Second Mortgage either, less you get called a noob. Whatever name you pick should always have a secondary meaning hidden in it. Like Canadian Highlander. That’s the one where you apologize every time you deal damage to an opponent.

Each deck was so strong that most of them were playing the same cards, just with different mana bases. The only saving grace was that Four-Color Rally wasn’t a thing until about a month before Rally the Ancestors rotated. We’re still living with the ramifications of Collected Company.

Which brings us to:

Fetch Lands straight into Battle Lands

What do Standard players want?! A more diverse meta! What did Standard players get? $1,300 modern decks that rotate out! The mana-base that Fetch Lands and Battle Lands gave us was insane. Mind-blowingly so. It was so good it was almost modern playable. The negative aspect was with so few cards to choose from (as opposed to modern itself), it ended up stifling diversity rather than opening the meta up. Was it at least fun though? About as fun as watching your opponent riffle shuffle a pile of hundreds for 50 minutes.

Reserve List Buy Outs

Lion’s Eye Diamond. That’s all you need to say. While this affected about 13 players total, EVERYONE had an opinion about what Wizards should do with the Reserve List, myself included. While we won’t get into that here, it’s still the biggest controversy since Wizards decided they were going to effectively stop paying Pro Tour Platinum members 3/4 of the way through the season. We’re not even gonna mention Shkreli.

Platinum Pay Changes

lol @ Wizards. lol.

Event Coverage

Wizards decides that they want Magic to be a powerhouse eSport and then they cut online coverage. Wait, wat? You’re gonna “Live tweet” events instead of providing streaming coverage? I don’t think eSports work like that. I don’t think anything works like that.

*I decided to keep this one in even though Wizards (very recently) decided  to make plans to update their coverage

Modern is out of the Pro Tour

Thank God. Maybe we can start making money off the Pro Tour and eventually afford to buy a web cam for the Live Twitter feed.

Two-Block Cycles

Positive or Negative? I don’t know yet, my own cycle is all screwed up. I’ve been hanging out in my Magic group too long and we’re waiting for them to all sync. In reality, Kaladesh brings with it the final rotation of a Three-Block cycle so it’s probably too soon to judge if it’s better or worse. Esp while we have a somewhat underwhelming Battle for Zendikar block still in.

The Secret Eldrazi

“You know, I bet it’s Emrakul screwing with everything on Innistrad.”

Wizards, “It’s not Emrakul.”

“It HAS to be Emrakul. Why else would you leave her out of Battle For Zendikar??”

Wizards, “It’s totes not Emrakul.”

….

Wizards, “Surprise! It’s Emrakul! Got you sooo good!”

*face palm*